Letting my furballs go

It saddens me immensely; but I’ve decided to heed my gynae’s advice and find a new home for Ginger & Pepper. I’ve sat on this decision for a year now and I’m due for a thorough body examination soon so I reckon I should do it ‘right’ this time.

It’s been weighing on me a lot more these days simply coz almost exactly a year ago, we were consulting a specialist and before I could complete my body examination, we found out that I was pregnant at week 4.

The gynae advised that I should give them away as pets like guinea pigs run the risk of carrying mycotoxins in their faeces that are harmful to the foetus.

Well, didn’t matter after all as we discovered that it was a non-viable pregnancy at week 6. After seeking 2nd, 3rd, 4th opinions during an excruciating ‘trying to be hopeful’ 7 weeks, I did a D&C procedure at week 13.

The whole ordeal was a painful and expensive experience. Well, wasn’t painful physically, just emotionally and mentally draining and I’m still harbouring remnant negative feelings from that. I don’t suppose people ever recover from it fully, do they?

The aftermath “grieving” process (or lack of) didn’t do me any good. I guess I entered into this repressive mode by tucking away feelings of loss. There wasn’t even a heartbeat to begin with. Was it really a loss?
I probably shed 2 droplets of tears over it. I find myself slipping into a somewhat resentful and anxious state of mind that’s causing me to impose unnecessary pressure on myself (and others around me). I don’t suppose I’d ever be ready for a child. But let’s face it- I’m not getting any younger.

I'm sharing coz-

1. Miscarriages are extremely common and perhaps if people discuss it more, instead of treating it like some taboo topic; it wouldn’t seem as daunting to others going through it. As morbid as it sounds, it’s comforting knowing that many others have suffered the same. Am most certainly not discounting the possibility of it happening to me again…

2. I’m getting increasingly peeved by being asked about family planning. We tried. It failed. Maybe it’ll never happen. I don’t know?

3. It’s so easy for people to say things like “Don’t worry, it will happen.” Will it though? When?

4. At the risk of raising some eyebrows and negative judgment or even more unsolicited advice—
No. I don’t want to pray about it. There are so many people in the world who’s never had to pray about having a child. So what gives?

5. I posted an adoption ad online yesterday and I’ve been getting a few queries. It’s causing me distress. I don’t know who these people are and I’m not ready to let them go. One of them asked me for pictures and after some probing, I’ve concluded that he wanted to get them on impulse (perhaps I was biased). He even said that he wants to collect them tonight. Triggered me so much. Pets aren’t just things you sweep off the shelves when/however you feel like it…I do want a lovely home for my piggies and I’d prefer entrusting them to someone I am certain who could take care of them.

About the piggies:

Ginger & Pepper are Abyssinian mixed breed, bouts 3 odd years old now. I adopted them from another owner 2 years ago.

Ginger Pinkman- Male. Neutered. Loves wheatgrass and coriander. Also loves making a mess. Soft & cuddly. Purrs in disapproval when stroked the wrong way. Skittish and stupiak.

Pepper White- Female. Glutton- Eats everything including plastic bags. More skittish than Ginger. Always sporting the frizzy bed-hair look. Gives you the stink eye when you approach her. Drinks water with her head held high. Scurries away when you touch her.

They love wheeking for food. Doesn’t matter you’ve just fed them moments ago…

Open the fridge door. Wheek. Rustle a plastic packaging. Wheek. Walk to the kitchen, turn on the tap. Wheek.

If anyone is open Ginger & Pepper to spicing up your life, please PM me. Cage and pet supplies included.

Rants

Sozzz...

I know it's silly but I can't help this weird ass angst I get when I see people posting about their kids and pregnancy.

I'm sorry... I know I shouldn't be feeling this but I can't help it and I don't know how to breach the subject. Like I want to be happy for them but I can't.
And it's not like I can stop them from showing off their kids?

Just didn't think I'd be this affected. Perhaps I've been trying to suppress this... emotional burden so to speak. I don't know what I've been doing but it's coming up a lot these days and harder to keep it in. I might just launch into a verbal vomit or have an emotional outburst one day.

Sure, I had feelings of sadness and loss but I was still trying to keep my hopes up. When week 13 came and I was still staring at a sonogram of virtually an empty sac, I don't know exactly what I was feeling. I wasn't entirely "devastated"... when the Dr diagnosed it as unnatural and abnormal, all I wanted to do is to rid of it there and then.

But Robs wanted to wait.
All I was thinking about in that moment was "Wait for what?????"

After my scheduled surgery, I shed a few drops of tears on and off for like twice, thrice maximum.
I've not had bouts of lamentations since. Xept this occasional angst I get from seeing posts on social media.

But I am a consumer of social media content. It's part of my job and a huge part of what occupies my daily commute (other than Glenn and the Flying Dutchman on One FM).
I've since resumed to reading on my kindle. But I don't suppose I can steer 100% clear of pregnancies, kids and babies online nor around me.

Doesn't help being invited to baby showers, one year old birthday parties and the occasional hospital visits to someone who's just given birth.

No, I kind of do not want to be there. I do but I don't. Mostly I don't. I'm not being mean, or that I don't care. No, I don't know. I don't want to care? I suppose? I don't know.
I just want it to stop.

Guess I'll just have to continue sucking it up and suppress my misery silently.

Rant over.

What's a nice way to say "I don't care." ????

HELP.

Last minute Flowers for your Valentine?

So I thought I'd be a lovely sweet daughter for once and send my mom pretty flowers on Valentine's day.

HECK. WHAT THE FREAK.

First of all, why are nice flowers in Singapore so bloody expensive?!!?!?!
UGH!!!

Also, I thought I'd be different and send her Hipster-ish rustic wild flower types ya know?
Those are priced exorbitantly too! Don't get me started on the ridiculously astronomical SURCHARGES for "Valentine's day period" too?! When I say Valentine's day period, it means 10th to 15th Feb.

What on earth?
Excuse me?! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!!

Fine. So I've decided that I'm done looking, I'd just hurt my wallet anyway. BUT WHAT THE FREAK?! Flower bouquets on 13-14 Feb and some even on 15 Feb are SOLD OUT!!!!!!!


FML.

Well sod it.

Just when I'd thought I'd give up anyway, I chanced upon...

THE DAILY MARKET BUNCH

SO PRETTY and very affordable. The only disadvantage is that I'm not even sure how the bouquet will look coz the florist changes them everyday.
Guess that's how she keeps her costs low.

ANYWAY... thought I'd share some other sites I chanced upon with real pretty flowers at relatively affordable prices

WINDFLOWER

I SUPER LOVE!!!! Why wasn't my bridal bouquet this pretty?

A BETTER FLORIST
Remember to use the $5 discount code for first time customers! ABETTERWELCOME

 

 

FLORAL GARAGE Singapore

PEONY! SO PRETTY!!!

 

 

But if you really wanna WOW your partner?

Imma be bold and tell you that THIS will surpass all your expectations and hers.

DAISIESFIELD

This is absolutely dainty, delicate and gorgeous.
Not to mention, it lasts!!!

 

Well, for like 2 years if you took heed to maintain it as advised.

Doesn't it remind you of Beauty and the Beast?

*Sighs*
And then you look at the price and you're like shaken from disbelief.


Well you know what? I'm glad I'm not a man.
And while I appreciate being charmed off my socks with pretty flowers...
I prefer preserved flowers. LOL!!!!

I mean.... it's nice but it's not necessary.

But it's nice.

But expensive.

BUT NICE.

People have been asking me if I'm gonna be preggies.
Or sometimes, they'd directly ask if I AM.

Well.

FAT. I GOT FAT.

Stop asking

Michael Buble

I'm a long time avid "fan" (the non-committal type) of Michael Buble.
And he has just released his latest album, "Nobody But Me"!
Apart from the less-than-impressive-cheesy-retro MTV to this single, there's also this totes legit redundant rap part which is no value add whatsoever to the song, otherwise it's rather groovy.

Still loving the "Someday" with Meghan Trainor (supposedly also written by Harry Styles? Is that the goofy guy from One Direction who dated Taylor Swift?)

and of course, "I Believe In You".

As much as I'm vibing these new songs from Michael, nothing beats "Home" and his cover versions of jazzy numbers and Christmas songs.

Not true, for me, but still funny

 So it's almost Christmas y'all!

One more reason to add on to list of 'Why I love Christmas'

And I'd be expecting something fancy from Hubsie.

 

First World Problems

I was at Star Vista with hubs for lunch yesterday.
The sun was scorching. I had to take a bus from church and transfer to the MRT to reach Star Vista.

While Robs was queuing at Cedele's counter, 3 older folks sat at the table adjacent to ours.
A man with a moustache resembling pubic hair, and an elder couple.

I did not eavesdrop. But I overheard their conversation. Some of it anyway.
It was incredulous and it was entertaining.

Summary-

A troubled father who owns a business pouring his family woes.

It was about his 22 Year old (brat of a) daughter. How she refused to speak to him as he didn't want to take a loan to buy her a house in Holland Village.

His plan was to get his son and daughter a house each, then when they are all older and married, he'd get a bigger house so they can all live together. So he continued about how if the daughter picked a place like Sembawang he can still afford, but not Holland v. And he was listing areas near Holland V and said ' who in the right mind would wanna stay in Orchard Road? Imagine the holidays like Christmas, that place would be jam-packed"

Robs overheard the part about how the uncle couldn't afford First class tickets to Paris 3 times a year for the family. They could only take business class... Boo-freakin-Hoo.

The uncle went on to tell the couple (who had genuine looks of concern flashed across their faces) about how he drove his daughter in his Lexus and she looked the other way, not a word.

I'd half the mind to go like "Uncle, you should bitch-slap your daughter and send her to India,"

The lamenting uncle had a story... he never had a proper bed until he was 18- while in the army.

He wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He had to work for what he has today. But he's a softee when it comes to his children... that's why his daughter turned out to be sucha bitch.

ANYWAY... we couldn't stand it any longer, we just had to faster leave and bitch about THAT.

LOL

We got on our way, left Star Vista for the MRT and walked past the tissue peddler uncle in the wheelchair who actually smiled and greeted us...
Robs was all poetic and took out his wallet to make a purchase- then said "Do you see the difference between this uncle and the rich one from earlier? Who's happier?"

I get what he's driving at... but I'm pretty sure I'd be happy... on a plane to Paris- just once. And I don't even need business class.

;)