Song: The Sounds of Silence

One of the greatest hits of Simon and Garfunkel. The song came on my playlist and as I marvel at the vocals of the pair of 'em, it seemed apparent that silence does exist, even if it's not really silent. If you know what I mean.

"Hello darkness, my old friend."

People hang out with their friends occasionally. Darkness is one of them I'm sure.

"People talking without speaking, people hearing without listening."

Vain, empty talks and the incapacity to listen. Probably why I've kinda stopped holding "real" conversations with people. Or maybe that's coz I've been guilty of 'hearing without listening". Like how you hear the words, as clear as they've been given to you, but they just don't register until you let 'em sink in.

"Silence like a cancer grows."

Heh.

So then the other day, I was alone at home. I spent half the morning reading "Flowers in the Attic" at the wattpad website until my eyes were threatening to yell "stop!". I laid on my bed for a bit and stared into nothingness as the engine in my mind started whirring to life:

"I wanna get a coke and chocolate ice cream."

"Where's that lizard I saw creeping in here yesterday?"

"Why didn't anyone text me today?"

"Maybe I should do my essay."

"Maybe not."

"Wonder how the girls did for A lvls."

"Why's Cans so angsty all the time. I'm sick of even looking at her."

"It's March already."

"I don't wanna see Mr Lee nor hear from him ever again."

"Maybe not. I don't know. Lord, tell me what to do."

"Exam's coming."

"It's March already. ALREADY."

"I need to get my ass outta here."

"Maybe I should get that coke and ice cream now."

"Or maybe I'll just rest for a bit more..."

I felt triumphant for a while for not succumbing to my cravings. Then, it came back somewhat like ten-fold and I had to indulge myself and celebrate my earlier victory. -.-

Now we know why Mels had great difficulty helping to zip up my LBD at the MnP shoot yesterday. I'm in great distress becoz I've obviously put on some flabs and there's nothing I can do about it. The working out thing? It's not working out. So there.

The silence at home was still lingering, I turned on my computer, did some research and played chess with some moron who called me a loser. What an ass. I don't play chess 24/7 online like he did! Who's the loser here?

Cans came home and I didn't bother speaking to her. Hmm, actually I did. She snapped at me. Now what did I do? Oh, lemme guess... could it be because I was minding my own business and have decided that it's ok to have a little conversation with my own sister? Or could it be due to a certain rule she's imposed on herself-- Nobody's to speak to me unless I did so first.

Heh.

The rest of my day included playing online Bridge, reading, and talking for a bit with my mom.

Let's see here...

Productivity- almost non-existent.

Emotionally- Probably devoided of it somehow. Other than annoyance. With myself mostly.

Socially- Inapt.

Spiritually- Weak. I've not been praying...

There's this other thing that's been bothering me but I guess I'll nvr be able to deal with it anyway. It's outta reach and best be left alone.

Even me 2nd orthodontist, Dr Oh, is leaving! Heh. Guess she got tired of having me as a patient. >.< Like Dr Ong, she's going to the private sector. Before she left, she gave me a packet of Impala rubber bands. :( I HATE 'EM! I HATE 'EM those rubber bands.

I'm in this stagnant phase right now. The only things that are progressing for me are at school and my reads. I don't feel like I've accomplised anything and I certainly feel like my social and spiritual life's dwindling. Life's getting meaningless and I need to do something about it. Fast.

But first, I've to finish up that essay due next week and get that coke I so badly need...and to hell with 'em, those rubber bands.