Just a story...

It's only a story. Just a story...


Three times have I walked. Long ones they were.
Three times I passed by deliberately.

I linger and wait.
For what? I do not know.

"How is he?"
"What's he doing now?"
"Will I ever see him again in this lifetime?"
Questions like these invaded my puny head.
Thrust them aside? Not possible.


Vivid memories replaying over and over, they'll never cease to stop.

I am bothered, troubled and drained. I want them all to stop.
Helpless am I. LORD I need thee, help me please.
I know it'll pass, but when will it be?

Oh my heart can bear it no longer. Feeble it is.
What shall I do?
Oh, what can I do?



A piece of me had been taken away. I'll never have it back, 'cause I gave it away.
What's been given is not yours anymore.
A piece of me had I given, to me, it no longer belongs.


Words are just words. I'd clung onto them.
Promises made, promises not kept.
I await. For someone to fulfill them- Those same promises that were made, by the one who'd carelessly taken my first kiss away.

Sweet it had been, sweet it still feels...

I wish I would just snap out of this! I hate myself. I really do.
Weakling I am. Disarrayed I feel.


Got myself caught in this vortex, somebody pull me out please!
I fear I can no longer breathe the same air.
Everything fogged, no longer the same. I blame no one but myself. That's why I'm here to face the aftermath.


Awed am I of this cruel reality. The very veracity of this whole realm is as perplexed as the human brain.
Words are just words.
I wish I've not read them. I wish I'd not heard them.
Thing is, I have! I will not forget, 'cause I cannot forget.
It's exasperating, don't you think?



Now I stand alone once more.
Waiting...


waiting...


waiting still.
For what? I do not know.


Perhaps I'm oh-so-obstinate.
Not willing to move. Not willing to budge. Pushing myself over the brink of insanity. Dark waters attempt to drown me whole.


I waited. Foolishly so.
I stayed. When will I ever move on?




Waiting on. Lingering still. Drawn too deep into the dark whirlpool.
Unwilling to get out while it's spinning on.
Fool I am. Fool I do not wish to be.


Helter-skelter.


Higgledy-piggledy.



Topsy-turvy.
A state of utter confusion.



"It's actually simple! Just walk on! Don't look back.
Just let go! Drop the flashbacks. Look ahead and pace forth!"


My eyes cannot listen! They are not ears.
They wandered about, back to where it looks now...

From where I'm seated, silence sets in.


A clock from somewhere begins to strike.
One, two, three, four... I counted them.
Simultaneously, another clock nearby begins its own routine
One, two three... I tried to count them too.
I couldn't. Two at once? Not possible.
Both struck twelve times. Must've been so.
I'd glanced at my watch. It's twelve now.


I sit back, a sigh is heaved. Silent surrounding, I took it all in.

Not quite silent though...
Crickets are singing lovers' sweet tunes.
Buzzing of vehicles came by like short pulses.
The same road leads home. It's beckoning my feet. BUT my mind controls them.
"No. Just a while longer... a minute more."

An hour ago, the mind repeated the exact same words time and again.
"HOW MANY TIMES MORE?" bellowed Rational.
"Just a moment longer..." pleads the heart.
Fatigued and drained of emotions, this decrepit heart.
"Just a moment longer." that's all it asks of.


The addled soul waits. Time ticking by quick. Time waits not.
A new day begins. A new month it now is.


I now sit, my eyes watching, my mind anguished, my heart growing weaker and weaker be, my soul tangled in a heinous knot.
My hand continues to write my thoughts on another piece of paper. Aimless, perpetual rambling it reads.

Wind caresses my dehydrated skin.
"When will this pass?" Rational interrupted.
"Wake up, will you?" he probed further.

The heart is searching for something, the soul is yielding confoundedness.
"Why are you stiff-necked still?" Rational persisted.

The mind resigned. I'm going to take a walk now. Another walk. I'm going start to move on again.
Light the head feels. Depleted of strength. Devoid of clarity. Blurred my vision is.
Walking on... Peace my Lord grants me. Peace is within.


For now, time permits not my stay.
I WILL move now.



I've reached where we've first met, where we've shared our first intimate touch.
I surveyed the area, looking now at where he'd first held me, where he'd whispered those promises that later, faded to sweet nothings.
It's empty now. Will be bypassing it everyday... Not my choice. Sadly so.
I'm standing where I'm rooted to now. Silently, I scribbled on...


Hope it ends here. I've willed to move on. Marred my heart feels. Disoriented my soul is. I want to struggle no more. Am drained of energy, depleted of strength.

A step backward. A step forward.
The latter was a bigger stride, I HAVE moved on. Haven't I?
Hmmmm... I'm ending it right here. Right now.