Wretchedness

After the episode of "How dumb can i get."

I was totally ashamed of my conduct in the recent.

I mean... I'm acting like a spoilt brat! (Worse than Canida, if you please.)

Or


..

..



Am I really ALREADY one?


God has given me so much in life. Yet, I'm miles away from CONTENTED.

No siree. I yearned for more. Belittled whatever that was right before my very own eyes.



I am blessed!
I am.





Too many times have i overlooked the fact that I'm still breathing. Living another day, to serve the Lord. (But also, I've failed to do so each passing day.)


I'm not worthy of my possesionsss.

I'm not a happy person. I don't have a vast capacity of optimism. My puny head can't register how BLESSED i truly am.
I'm complaining. I'm such a dreadfully, DREADFULLY awful person.


It's inevitable to look at my sister and utter "If only I could feel as carefree."

She doesn't complain much. She bears no grudges. She's forgiving. She talks ALOT. She laughs her silly head off every now and then. She's dumb at times, but no more dumber than i am.


I'm heaving a really big sigh here. Lamenting my sorry state.(It never was)


I don't deserve what I have. In no way am i appreciating it.


I complain of how stuffy my house is. When millions of others don't even get to live in one.

Whilst i worry and groan over how much weight I've put on, never once did i realise "I'm being well-fed."

I sigh in exasperation upon the sight of my wardrobe. Not once have i thought "Boy, do i have so many clothes!"

I've always been a meanie to my sister, oblivious to the fact what a blessing she really is.

Here i am, kvetching, rambling discontentment... loathing the life I lead... when again, others would have sold their souls to exchange their lives with me (just maybe.)


I am blessed. Be that as it may, I most certainly do not deserve it.