Last paper on Monday. Then freedom. For a while.

I was at the Xmen Origins premier last night with the girls. What can I say? Hugh Jackman's the man, as always. Daniel Henney was in it too. *swoons*

On our way to Shaw house, there was this frail old lady with a head of silver-white hair. She cud've been easily seventy I reckon. She was standing in the middle of the two escalators selling miscellaneous items like snacks and instant noodles, beckoning many passers-by to make a purchase. And I guess u probably wud've guessed as much. None bought any. Neither did I nor Cans, nor Vics, nor Meds. Nobody said anything, we whizzed past, worried about the possibility of not being able to plant our asses on "good seats" for a glimpse of Wolverine in action.

After the show, we went back the same way. The lady was still there. I was feeling compelled to buy something from her. But I didn't. When we passed her by, Meds and I looked back, and she said to me "I feel like donating some money to her." By then, we were probably more than 100 metres away. The time was 1035pm. I believe the four of us felt compassion and wanted to do something... But we didn't, and that was the last we'd seen of her.

My thoughts were "Why did she have to do that? Is she able to earn a living doing that? Does she have any children? What was her life like before that happened?"

On the train, I saw these two Bangladeshi men. One was relatively short. Cans' height I suppose, the other was probably over 1.77m tall. I was taken aback (in a negative way) when the shorter man leaned on the taller man's chest. Like couples would do, only thing missing was that their hands weren't around each other's waist or sumtin. It was just very gay to me. I felt uncomfortable, but cudn't stop watching. I told Vics, and she said "they're probably just very close?" I tried to imagine Gdine and I doing that... and the image was just weird.
I guess we're just of diff cultures, just like how they like to hold hands and such...


There was a malay couple opposite us. When I sat down, they were holding each other's hands, talking and giggling... next I saw them, their body language tells me something's completely changed. Funny how emotions are swift to changes.

I walked home alone after returning a library book which was due. The time was 1130pm. There werent many people about on the streets. I was about to reach my block, and noticed some people around me. Suddenly, it was just absurd. I saw about 11 people in total. A couple holding hands by the canal area, another couple walking towards the carpark. And another couple coming out from the carpark. And ANOTHER couple walking from the opposite direction towards me. And ANOTHER couple sitting by the void deck. Make that two couples by the void deck under different blocks. -_-
Ok. I saw 13 people. the last person was a lady who took the same lift as me. What's with all the couples coming out to play nearing midnight?


Alrites, Amelia sent me a link for a video:http://www.cultureunplugged.com/play/1081. It's almost brought me to tears. Im feeling overly guilty for the amount of food I've ever wasted, for the times I complained about "having the same food", "getting fat", cravings for comfort food and binge eating, then complain about being stuffed. Just look at the amount of wasted food at PP people waste a day. Customers waste food like it's nothing to them.
I hate wasting food unless I've no choice.. like feeling too full already or if it's simply not to my liking. This video's reminded me of how blessed I am. I've not seen anything like this, and it pains me that such things are happening.

There's all these talk about global economy going downhill, people fretting about recession, people at some sale at Takashimaya basement looking for designer bags and shoes just coz it's over 50% discount... (ok, i was there. And I really fought the urge to get this leather bag...)

What about these people who are dying of hunger? DO they even care about what Obama says? Probably not. DO they even care about Swine flu? Probably... Do they even care about some sale at Takashimaya? Definitely not. Heck, they're satisfied enough to be rummaging someone else's trash finding leftovers. Suddenly, the old lady at Shaw house seemed more blessed than I thought she was. And I, probably 100 times more blessed than I thought I ever was.


*sigh.


This reminds me of a song Heal the World by Michael Jackson.

"There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me"

You're more blessed than you think you are. It's not a problem if you cant get that designer bag even though it's on sale. It's normal for your parents scold you. It's ok if your girlfriend left you. It's nothing if your best friend thinks you're an idiot. It's cute when you trip over your own shoelace. ANd it's aboslutely comforting to get that hot fudge sundae even though it's after 10pm and u know it'll go straight to your ass.
Becoz u're blessed and be grateful.
The Lord is wonderful.


Smile, coz you're awesome! (here's a link for a smile:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cbk980jV7Ao)

:)

Bonkers

!!! MR PAPER IN LESS THAN 15 HOURS!!!

I'm saturated and I've HMT on Monday. :(

U know what, my head's feelin so heavy I need a haircut. I really do.


MR...


I'm gettin the exam jitters again. Ugh. I hope I get AT LEAST a credit fr MR. otherwise I'll just... have chocolates and grow fat.

:D

I'd like that very much (Minus the "Get fat" portion).


Kelv says we can all go for buffet after MAB paper! heh. *Sigh. But I've just put on 1kg of flabs...
OR rather. 1 kg of information from those wretched textbooks and notes that weigh more than Kelv. >.<


HEH. I'm going bonkers. All the best to those taking exams!


This. Is. Me. Going. Bonkers.

*burp*

Blessed Am I

:D

To think I'd thought the most exciting bday was my 21st.

Well, technically yes. But I'm surprised at the number of surprises I was given today.



A day at Sentosa with my lovelees yesterday. Love em as much as my toes and fingers.
Got a sunburn though we were picnic-ing under the shade!

Evening at the NP Chinese Dance 30th Anniversary at VCH with Robs. Surprisingly spectacular. I told u! NP ok??? Was impressed by the costume designs and some dance routines. Particularly liked one of the songs they used- sorta likened to the oriental version of Maxim or Vanessa Mae's style. This is why I wanna play the er-hu. Sounds like a violin. xept there's only 2 strings and I wont have to strain my neck and hope I've no double-chin while playing it. I'm still feeling bitter about Zhang lao shi putting me in the bass section playing the cello in the Chinese Orchestra. The whole idea of me planting myself in the C.O was to play the er hu! tut.
alrite, nvm. I'm diggin up e 'grudges' that was spose to be long forgotten. :s



Hip appeared half past 12. He baked me a cake. 'Chocolate cake'.

He tried to poison me with the ghastliest cake I've ever tasted. Seriously. It tasted as good as it looked. I wish I've a photo to show. But I bet u wudnt know how awful it tastes.
I was deeply touched by the lovely gesture but the 'cake' was...

I took 3 measly nibbles. Verdict- Pls do not be a victim of Alvin's cookin.
Great effort nonetheless.


Church. Late again. U. Cheemeng pat me on my back (ouch): Birthday girl! Please try to come early ah?
Me: *sheepish smile* Er, yes. But u know...
U.Cheemeng: Yes, yes. I know. But please try la huh?
Me: Ok. *beams*
Then...A.Chuihoon patted me on the other side. (ouch)
Bible quiz. We came in 2nd! :D
We're the LV sisters. The Living Vessels. "With Christ in the vessel we can smile in the storm."

Study grp. A lil surprise. White Belgium choco Cake from Ritz Carlton! Bene did a dance. Kelv recorded it. JC and I Laughed our asses off.
Though...Mine's still here and as big as ever.
That cake had found its way to my ass somehow...

Dinner with Mommy and Cans. Visited Dad. finally.

I hate to say this but... I'm quite proud of myself for having agreed to visit Dad today.

*sigh*


Received a parcel from Switzerland! My dearie Mandy's sent me a scarf and a watch with a cute card from Venice! :) The scarf's absolutely gorgeous.

Showed Cans 2 stupid videos dubbed in Hokkien (though I can only translate less than half). Laughed our asses off.
She hid her present to me somewhere in my room. I've yet to find it.
Have got a couple more presents to open and that present that's hidden somewhere...but guess I'll wait till after exams. At least something for me to look forward to. Heh.

Windmills of my mind

I must've ran at least 3km today. I didnt realise hw far I've ran until I felt like all my energy's been drained. And u know how?

I wasnt at all breathless nor weary until I started reciting the "Marketing research process" in my head. Almost immediately, my legs went wobbly.

I'm saturated from MR muggin today. :(
Then again, quite a bit of accomplishment. All thanks to Bene and Kelv. Though again, I'm the helpless one being bullied. Heh. What's new.

I must've belched at least 30 times today. -_-
Bene got annoyed but seriously, I don't care. *sinister cackle*

*sigh.
At least in front of them, I dun have to be the "demure lady who sits daintily and be as sweet as candy floss".
Anyway, try as I might, I'm none of those.
So... *burp*


*beams*


Mom hates it when I belch. But heck, Im not as loud as Audrey!


I'm so sweaty and hot. Im feeling like someone made me stand under a tap or sumtin.

Im goings to have my shower! :)



More intensive muggin comin my way. I'm so lovin it.

NOT.

Alritey.



I'm not the only one with the "daddy crisis" here. Mine isn't all that bad afterall.



I wonder what wud sis Serene say if she'd seen that last post.



Or... What my LSCT lecturers back in NP would say.



OOps. I guess I dun have identical DNA. But rather, I've half of his.



The whole story about how a sperm meets the ovum. Becomes a zygote, cell proliferation... yada yada yada.

Becomes a foetus, then a well-developed baby!



God is amazing.. Science further proves God existence. The wonderful designer. Immaculate.



The whole genome thing simply amazes me.





heh. I know I'm suppose to be doing HMT revision now. But hey, the Human Genome Project seems 100X more interesting than reading up on boring theories dead ppl have came up with.



Then again... management theories are much simpler to comprehend.





I'm gettin increasingly hungry and restless.





Mom was speaking in high decibels to my aunties/uncles. I was in Can's room. So I dialled home's number and mom picked up.



"hello?"



"Aunty 琼秀， 你讲话好大声！”



"Oh. ok. sorry."



Hangs up.



When my relatives left, my mom came to me...

"刚才是你吗？我还以为是Victoria!"

Right... so she believes that she'd been so loud her voice reaches Lakepoint Drive. -.-



I just remembered sumtin. I hadnt had dinner. >.<

Damn. I'm gonna go slp anyway. My tummy's bulging from all the binge eating.

Forgiveness.

Yes. I resent him.

No. I cant find it in my heart to forgive. Yet.

Yes, he's sick now.

Yes, he's going to suffer.

No, it's not retribution.

Yes, it's what he deserves.

So why am I feeling so bitter about it?

I don't want to be associated with him. But his blood runs through my veins. Alrite, not really, but we've identical DNA.


*sigh.

Lord, help.

Good Friday. Kinda

Had lunch at PP with the Changs, the Chongs, A.Fen + Jiameng, and my family. :)

Had a tad too much to eat.

I was happy for a while when Alvin and Kent said I seemed to have slimmed down a lil.
BUT, after the whole buffet lunch thing, Abiel said, "oh, u put on weight again."

!!!


I guess I have. But I'm much too full for a run today.

Did this quiz and I'm more than delighted with the results!

You have a 100% chance of falling in love with Edward.

Pick out a wedding dress and a house because preety soon you'll be walking down the asle towards Edward.

Would Edward from Twilight fall in love with you?
Take More Quizzes

TOtally. I wonder if Edward C. will also have 100% chance of falling in love with me!!

THen agn... SO many other girls are virtually clawing at him (in a good way) right now. Heh.




Oh wells, I do agree with Vics... Jackie Chan could've casted Daniel Wu's pathetic role in The Shinjuku Incident on purpose!!! My poor Daniel Wu...


Did I mention? I know of this Bus 52 Bus driver who looks 50% like Daniel Wu. PRetty young chap. Think he's from CHina... His bus comes to the Clementi bus stop at about 9 am every Saturday.

HMmmmmm....


Ok. I must be mad.



Exam fever.

Enchanted

A quickie before I go for my run.

I had the decency to put my dreadful rubber bands back on again. Appointment with my new orthodontist next Tues. How exciting.
These rubber bands are killin me.
Part of the reason why I need to go for a run anyway. I need an outlet for this... tightness that's threatening to snap with every slight movement of my mouth.

I've got this throbbing headache. No thanks to those rubber bands. U see now why I hate 'em? I can't even speak with them on. Guess how many words have past my lips since the start of the day?

NONE.


Contrary to my agony, I'm very much anticipating the arrival of next Saturday. The girls and I are going to Sentosa. :)
I think I need some decent exposure to the sun. I look like a freakin vampire! Side note: All the better to mingle with drop-dead gorgeous vampires like Edward Cullen. *swoons*
I'd be spending the evening with Robs thereafter. *beams* He's bringin me to the NP Chinese Dance performance.

Ok... I know it's not entirely my kind of concert but still, it could be cool. We're talking about NP here. NP ok???
The NP Chinese Orchestra will make an appearance too. Too bad the NP Strings isn't. I wonder how everyone is.

*sigh* It'll be like a first date again. All the vexing of what to wear, if I'd screw up by talkin or trippin over my own foot, or if I'd just forget to bring my intellect altogether.

Gdine says I should just be myself. Do I not know that already? Problem is... Kareen always seems to sneak out on me everytime I'm with Robs. It puzzles me thru and thru. Honestly, I hate that. It's not the light feathery feeling u have with butterflies in the tummy anymore. It's more like snakes slithering around my belly, then moving along to smother me by strangling me at my throat. -_-

I hope I don't get that. It's just silly. It is.


Aites. I'll fret about that next Fri. Heh. I'm going for my run.

Before that...


Check out Rainbow Connection by Kermit. Get other cover versions though. Becoz Kermit's voice doesnt quite cut it. For me at least. Beautiful song nonetheless. :)

Bowlines.

Just 3 more weeks before I start cavorting and celebrating the end of this semester. Exams will soon be over. Exams willl soon be over. It's like I'm tryin to convince myself.

There's much to do. There's work on every hand (sounds familiar huh.)

Already, I'm filling my trusted organiser with activities.
Hip's 21st this sat at PP, Mel's 21st (Which i cant go coz im having dinner with my family). Damnit.
After the exams- a couple more bday celebrations... and I'm gonna go on a very important date *beams*, the much anticipated chinese congregation's family church camp at Bintan, a likely road trip or some sort with Gdine... etc.

I'm s'pose to be continuing with HMT but I'm so sick of the biographies of dead ppl. Heh.


I've received shocking truths about a good friend of mine.
I rmb K's ever said "People don't change, you just never knew who they really were."

Is that how it is? I never knew him? I can only half agree. Thing is, change is constant. At this very moment, U'd be surprised at the amount of activities that are taking place in ur body. Just like when u're reading this entry, millions of neurons are at work. U'd soon either disagree or agree with what I've to say.

Change is constant, inevitable and part of life.
"Do you know who you are?"

Ah, think again.

Nobody knows us like God does.

Truth be told, I hadnt a definite answer for myself. I wont say I know Kareen Lee. Partly. Not entirely.

On different occasions, given different circumstances, faced with unique problems and dispositions... would u still say that U KNOW how u'd react? Typically, u may do this, or that. But realistically?

I'm stumped myself. Life's never predictable.


James 4: 14- Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.


I've etched this in my head for a long time now. Recently, Rob's quoted this verse back to me.
I'm still young, almost 22 now. Death isn't all so real to me.
Fact is, it is. Coz life is unpredictable. We always say "do ur best, and let God do the rest".

We'll always have to put our faith in God. Mom's told me-- the greater your faith, the greater your blessings.
Having seen her as a living example, I've believed that for a long time. I still do. Only, the flesh is weak and I find it hard to adhere to christian living sometimes.
But I know that I'll always persevere.
Erm... I WOULD WANT TO persevere.

Alritey, religion aside. Life's about making choices right? I believe this gd fren of mine had made a couple of decisions that had caused his current distress and hurt upon others. DId he KNOW? I don't blame him. Perhaps he hadnt matured sufficiently per se, to have made the 'right' decisions. Then again, who's to say what's right or wrong? What is right to me, may be wrong to you. In other words (bear in mind, God and the bible, and state laws aside), what's right to you is always right, until proven wrong. No? I don't wanna judge him, but me being me, I dont condone what he's done.

I get upset over some things ppl do. But am i right and they're wrong? Perhaps I'm just being overly sensitive or prolly grouchy over the bleeding of my uterus.
Wud I still react the same way, given the same problem, BUT with no C.R, been to Hi-tea and gotten a new pair of Jimmy Choos?
Wud I still be throwing my tantrum like it's meant the whole world to me, or shrug it off nonchalantly?


THe thing about making choices... that's a toughie.
I'm old enough to make mine. I'm glad I did take charge and did something outta the norms (my norm, at least). Quoth Mark Twain from Robs, "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
Granted, live ur life with no regrets. But before u make a choice to sail from ur comfort zone...
Rmb, People are pragmatic creatures. Some more so than others. Good? or Bad?
Debatable. And with no definite conclusion.

I try to be rational. It's like business, make the right investments. Calculate the risks involved. What's the likelihood of it to turning into success? Then U'd be asking "what's success?"
u'd have to look at ur business objectives and what's ur standard of success.

Back to Twain's nautical analogy. For me, I've sumtin to add- Don't just sail away when the storms are raging. U're bound to be lost in the vast ocean, vulnerable and without help. Ur sails will be caught in the whirlwind, and ur vessel will drown, and u'd be too. Always hold on to your secure bowline, until the storm passes by. God will help u with that bowline, and He'll guide u to places that He knows u'd be delighted to be exploring.

Like what mom always tells me, "Make wise choices. Trust in God and He'll lead u to your destination. If you don't, then u'll just have to learn it the hard way."


Heh. U can be sure learning things the hard way's gonna inflict detrimental effects to your well-being.
I pray that he'll make wise, matured decisions from now on. And same goes for all my other friends!

:)

Bloomwood

Confessions of a shopaholic.

I caught that today! Finally.
:)

It was hilarious and I can TOTALLY relate to that. Pity I watched it alone though (apart from strangers in the theatre.)

I'm alright with watching movies alone, but this is a movie I ought to watch with girls!!! Like Sex in the City. Everyone else has either watched it (WITHOUT ME), or busy with BOYFRIENDS. HA! u know who u are. >.<


Rebecca Bloomwood is a character like no other. The film started with Bloomwood bouncing merrily on the street. Suddenly, she stopped seemingly mesmerized... a man walked by.. but it wasnt the man, it was this handbag hanging off a mannequin's hand that was behind the man. HEH.
She's definitely a quirky, lovely and genuinely loveable character.
I wish I could say the same for Kareen Lee. Heh.


And LUKE Brandon... *swoons

I love romantic comedies, this is a definite MUST-WATCH.
Funny as it was, with the occasional sighs and desires for high fashion items they had on screen, the movie's got something that we can all relate to.
I teared a lil when Rebecca's Dad said to her "Nothing defines me, but you and your mother."


heh.


I noticed quite a few movie-goers who were alone. There was a girl in front of me. In front of the girl was a man. In front of that man was another man.

I wonder why do they end up alone at the theatres.

A fren text me just now. He was obviously upset about something and felt the need to have someone to share his woes with. My heart went out to him. It was something someone did... N i wonder why people do certain things.
I'm one who tries to give ppl the benefit of the doubt. There's two sides to a coin. People make choices. Bt who's to say what's right or wrong? That's something debatable and sometimes, subjective.

I dun wanna take sides.


*Sigh.



THere's much more I"d like to write but that's all for now.

Wee hours of the night

Was reading some articles. C.R keeps me awake. @_@

Did some maintenance work on my blog entries. It's hilarious really. How I used to blog about craploadsa nonsense. I've deleted a couple.
To be honest, I didn't actually think that was me. Heh.

Unbelievable. The grammar errors are enough to have me bury my head in some hole.
-_-
I used to be a careless blogger. I write about whatever and whenever. I still do.
Seems as though I've always been complaining. There's a lot of talk abt dry hair and dry skin. Acne outbreak. and of course, my C.R. Heh. Oh, and about what an idiot I am. Which is always true.

I used to post pictures here. Not anymore. Partly coz I've flickr and facebook now. N partly coz I've forgotten hw to post pics here. I'm a techie laggard rmb?

an entry dated Oct 04 tells me that I've screwed up the dates of my Cell Bio paper with Org Biochem paper. -_-
What's new eh.

Gone are the days when I rant on about days spent having fun and hangin with my grps of frens. we still do, but we seldom hang out in big grps now.

Gone are the days when I freely express myself in words and in deed. I feel that I've changed much. Could be somewhat 'negligible' to most I suppose. I used to read journal papers on science experiments/research. Complain about CYC. Bitchin about wat-nots... But now, I'm reading articles on the development of corporate management theories, still complaining and bitchin about wat-nots, and more solemn/ unhappy entries.


I'm uncertain about many things. Reminds me of the hymn "I know who holds Tomorrow."

Recently, I've begun to tear down this barrier I have around me. I've started talking and opening up to those around me. Maybe things ARE getting better.
I should talk to God soon.


My headaches have returned. *sigh.

I was on the phone with Gdine and hmmm...
I hope she's alright.


As much as I hate to admit it, I wonder how Dad is. I resent that I still do think of him sometimes. Rmb few weeks ago, I was alone at home (with my almost non-existent sister), I missed him. When I go to bed sometimes, I think of him.
When I talk abt my family, I'm cautious to leave him out of it. People do ask, and I speak of him like it's no big deal. I still havent the conclusion if it's really a big deal at all.
And No. I've still nt decided if I'm going to visit him tmr.

...


I dunno.


I was lookin at my family photo. The one next to my bed. I was 6. Serene was 17. Boy does she look young and slim. :)
Cans was cute. Mom's as beautiful as always. Our smiles were real.
I wonder if Dad looks at our family photo and gets stings of regret. I wonder if he misses us too.
I wonder about a lot of things he'd done or never did. I wonder if he's remorseful. And I get this painful lump in my throat.
Every time I think abt him, I'd think abt the hurt he's caused my mom... I'd think about how ah-ma held my hand, sobbing quietly, almost pleading... asking for assurance--that I'd look after my Dad when she's gone.
I'd think about how Cans and I never had a father we ought to. And I resent him.

I resent him. I've wanted to tell him that so many times. He knows I do. I'm always rude to him and I can't help myself. And then I'll get angry at myself for being such a brat. But I'll still be rude.


I hate him. But I don't.

I dunno.

I rmb Mayfern telling me that she used to hate her dad and never did forgive him until the day she saw him lying in his coffin.

I don't want that.
So what am I to do now...


I'm still thinkin if I should go tmr.

Crimson river still flowing... :S
I know this is gross but I've got to say this! I was in the bathroom just now and like out of nowhere, there was a blob of bloody blood clot that plopped onto the bathroom floor. *eeewch*
It was one of the biggest I've seen yet. Probably coz I thought it'll help to drain off the blood by going for a run. I'm desperate for Crimson river to go away. I've been feeling like crap these days.

Dad's sick I hrd. Mom says we've gotta go visit him tmr.

I'm an unfilial bitch. Becoz I feel that he's not sick enough for me to go visit.

I feel like crap. Why am I so mean?



Grrr.



The trouble with men...
They tend to be Egoistical and obnoxious sometimes.
J said he wanted to date me. I told that I'm not interested... I wonder if he'll stop talking to me...
S said the same thing last year, I told him not to, and he'd snubbed me completely after that...
So did some others.

Is it me? or is it them? I was just being honest. I dont wish to go thru what Gdine had. And this is what's become of me. They must think I'm a complete snob or sumtin.

Feel like crap.



What a pleasant surprise. I just saw that my site's unique stats counter has just gone over 3000. *wonder if it'll automatically reset itself again. Heh.
I didn't want to use the stats counter that counts by clicks coz it doesnt really tell how many unique readers u get a day.
I'm nt even sure who actually reads this crap except Gdine and a few others. Ha!

I was contemplating if I should shift entirely to the other site. But I guess I can kp this afterall.

:)

But I've got juicier entries at the other site. Which I'm so nt telling. MUAHAHAHA.

C.R returns

It's April fool's day. How apt to receive the coming of Crimson river.

KJ gave me tuition on accounts just nw. Half the time I was wincing in pain.

I feel like I need to extract my uterus. IT IS BLOODY PAINFUL!!!

ARGH!!!


TSK.