I'm gonna have to lay off chocolates for sometime.

Nobody is to tempt me. Thank You very much.

Ate a choco bar.

Perseverance, I have not.

Yielded to temptation. The flesh is weak.

It's raining outside. It's cold in here.

So many things at hand. So lil time given.

Last time i checked, my body tells me I need to see a doctor. Ugh... i hope it's nothing huge.

Maybe i should stop eating chocolates for a bit.

Perhaps I'm developing allergic reactions towards it.

No it's not the "T-fly", it's not because I'm "laid", it's not because I was dehydrated...
Ugh.. whatever it is.


I need to consult a doctor soon.


It's Yinghui's birthday today, was invited to her birthday party. She's really quite a sweetie.
I wonder if she likes chocolates too!

The Tag game

• Few Simple Rules of this TAG GAME:

-The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points about his/her perfect lover.
-Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.
-Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.
-If you are tagged the second time,There is NO need to do this again.


Alrightey, it's only when I'm seriously bored that I get to do these..

Never really thought about it. C'mon la... PERFECT lover? That's so impossible.
Then again, Mark 10:27 came into mind


-And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible.


I believe that God will provide.

=)


Here goes... a checklist for my PERFECT lover (Of coz, I'd want a MAN.) In running order...

1. This is the most distinctive element that I have to see in him- Loves God with all his heart, soul, mind and strength.
   Nothing beats having a man who seeks God fervently. I find that totally attractive. Besides, everything else about him will fall into place.
   
2. Loves ME! My family, my friends. Loves himself, his family, and friends.
   
3. Is able to communicate well with ME, and those I love dearly.
   
4. Does not make promises freely, only to let them fade away, long forgotten.
   
5. Knows my needs. Though of coz, that's abit tough. I, for one thing, can be quite ambivalent and contradictory.
   
6. Is not neurotic. It adds pressure to me.
   
   When lookin for a lover, ostensive observations are inevitable. I'm just being honest though.
   
7. Taller than I am. Preferably older too. Looks aren't that important, but accounts for something- Pleasant lookin is enough for me, will do. (pleasant lookin does not mean that he has to look great! In fact, i'm more wary of good lookin guys.)
   
8. Is thoughtful (of ME!)- Writes short notes or long letters... Loves to give me chocolates! Maybe he plays an instrument or sings- to serenade me! I'd just totally melt and seep into the ground. (alrite, this 8th point is a wee bit redundant. But sure is a BONUS! )

Alritey, It's done. My Prince Charming checklist. I hope he owns a ragdoll named Bobtail!

Here are the 8 who should conjure up a PERFECT lover checklist.

1. Caiping
2. Amanda
3. Victoria
4. Medalene
5. Benjamin
6. Darren
7. VALARIE!
8. CANIDA!

S.U.M.O-SHUT UP, MOVE ON. The Straight-Talking Guide to Creating and Enjoying a Brilliant Life.

Paul McGee.


should be an interesting read.


SHUT UP, MOVE ON. This are the words I want him to know.

Some ppl are just sick. Sick in the head!
So full of themselves they think that the world revolves around them.
Men!
Fool I was, Fool I no longer want to be.
I have a LIFE, and it will not include jerks. Be it Mr Lee or Mr Lee.


Oh man... I've just realised sumtin- ALL THE MR LEEs IN MY LIFE ARE JERKS?!



I feel nauseated.

O Love, that wilt not let me go.
I rest my weary soul in Thee;
I give Thee back the life i owe,
That in Thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

- Geroge Matheson



Joy be to the one who'd found what was lost.
Joy be to the one who'd believed.

All's not lost, but found.
With it, an ugly SLIMEY snail.

Yuck man.

Nauseated, and hands full,
the disgusted sought a helping hand.
Gentle hands do not go with heinous creatures,
Back to the bitter, miry soil it went!


Outside the window sill where it once was,
Greet the morning beams of light it shall.

I'll watch and wait everyday,
Till at last, it blossoms into a bright,
pinkish hue.

I take back my words.

I am hoping with all my heart that when i do wake up tmr morning, I'll look out the window and see my saintpaulia ionantha again.


Nooo.. don't try to get me another pot.
If you really have to be a sweetpea, get me a shorthair ragdoll or chocolates. They'll do just fine.

STUMPED.

Why would anyone wanna steal my saintpaulia ionantha?!

I came home, opened my window and stared in dismay... At THE spot where I've left my precious ... IT IS EMPTY!

*gasping for air.


With it, replaced with nothing but a fresh new slab of white paint.
Alright, so those men doing renovation works needed to paint, BUT THEY SHOULD RETURN MY PLANT TO ME!


!@#$%^&*


It was soooo gonna bloom! Ached my heart is.
Getting another one won't change a thing. It's just DIFFERENT, OK?!
It'd died once, but I've "revived" it. It was about to blossom!

DAMN.
I'm pissed.

So many other things happened within the span of two months. I felt like I've lived for a year instead.












All's not bitter though... I've straightened out my thoughts... =)

Men in big, bulky, thick-soled leather shoes have this HIGH affinity towards my feet.



Now I've a nail-less little left toe. It's bloody and it hurts.


ARGH.



The next person who steps on it will get something from me. It's a promise.

Feeling horrid.
My body's functioning funny.
Gonna go consult a doctor tomorrow. Hope all is well!

Nineteen years ago, on this same day,
A maniac was born.


Happy blessed birthday GERALDINE NG YUN JIA!


My favourite nut of the century!
Who lives five blocks away, has a mom who likes to feed me with lotsa yumsies each time i visit.


There're just too much to write about her.



I've just finished my report. Overdue. Heck. I'm drained.


Dont think I'm up for another report on MY FAVOURITE NUT.



All I have for her- from the bottom of my heart...


"Geraldine, you're a great pal. You were there for me when i needed support, you gave me silly advices but they somehow made sense. I know I'll never be taller than you, soo please stop lookin down on me! hee.
You were patient with me though at times I am a nasty PMS-ing bitch...
I never knew our friendship could yield these much. Sometimes, you say things that make me want to give you a hug. But we both know we're not very touchy, and u'll most probably "eeee!" in response.
Girl, you are one big nut I'll never forget.
Hek! We live near each other, so u have no reasons to ever not ask me out sometime.

I wish you love. I wish you health. I wish you happiness. I wish you'd find the path that leads you to the ULTIMATE home. Last of all, I wish you and I will be lifelong friends.


Happy birthday!"






Awww.. i think I'm gonna cry. Again. =)

Just a story...

It's only a story. Just a story...


Three times have I walked. Long ones they were.
Three times I passed by deliberately.

I linger and wait.
For what? I do not know.

"How is he?"
"What's he doing now?"
"Will I ever see him again in this lifetime?"
Questions like these invaded my puny head.
Thrust them aside? Not possible.


Vivid memories replaying over and over, they'll never cease to stop.

I am bothered, troubled and drained. I want them all to stop.
Helpless am I. LORD I need thee, help me please.
I know it'll pass, but when will it be?

Oh my heart can bear it no longer. Feeble it is.
What shall I do?
Oh, what can I do?



A piece of me had been taken away. I'll never have it back, 'cause I gave it away.
What's been given is not yours anymore.
A piece of me had I given, to me, it no longer belongs.


Words are just words. I'd clung onto them.
Promises made, promises not kept.
I await. For someone to fulfill them- Those same promises that were made, by the one who'd carelessly taken my first kiss away.

Sweet it had been, sweet it still feels...

I wish I would just snap out of this! I hate myself. I really do.
Weakling I am. Disarrayed I feel.


Got myself caught in this vortex, somebody pull me out please!
I fear I can no longer breathe the same air.
Everything fogged, no longer the same. I blame no one but myself. That's why I'm here to face the aftermath.


Awed am I of this cruel reality. The very veracity of this whole realm is as perplexed as the human brain.
Words are just words.
I wish I've not read them. I wish I'd not heard them.
Thing is, I have! I will not forget, 'cause I cannot forget.
It's exasperating, don't you think?



Now I stand alone once more.
Waiting...


waiting...


waiting still.
For what? I do not know.


Perhaps I'm oh-so-obstinate.
Not willing to move. Not willing to budge. Pushing myself over the brink of insanity. Dark waters attempt to drown me whole.


I waited. Foolishly so.
I stayed. When will I ever move on?




Waiting on. Lingering still. Drawn too deep into the dark whirlpool.
Unwilling to get out while it's spinning on.
Fool I am. Fool I do not wish to be.


Helter-skelter.


Higgledy-piggledy.



Topsy-turvy.
A state of utter confusion.



"It's actually simple! Just walk on! Don't look back.
Just let go! Drop the flashbacks. Look ahead and pace forth!"


My eyes cannot listen! They are not ears.
They wandered about, back to where it looks now...

From where I'm seated, silence sets in.


A clock from somewhere begins to strike.
One, two, three, four... I counted them.
Simultaneously, another clock nearby begins its own routine
One, two three... I tried to count them too.
I couldn't. Two at once? Not possible.
Both struck twelve times. Must've been so.
I'd glanced at my watch. It's twelve now.


I sit back, a sigh is heaved. Silent surrounding, I took it all in.

Not quite silent though...
Crickets are singing lovers' sweet tunes.
Buzzing of vehicles came by like short pulses.
The same road leads home. It's beckoning my feet. BUT my mind controls them.
"No. Just a while longer... a minute more."

An hour ago, the mind repeated the exact same words time and again.
"HOW MANY TIMES MORE?" bellowed Rational.
"Just a moment longer..." pleads the heart.
Fatigued and drained of emotions, this decrepit heart.
"Just a moment longer." that's all it asks of.


The addled soul waits. Time ticking by quick. Time waits not.
A new day begins. A new month it now is.


I now sit, my eyes watching, my mind anguished, my heart growing weaker and weaker be, my soul tangled in a heinous knot.
My hand continues to write my thoughts on another piece of paper. Aimless, perpetual rambling it reads.

Wind caresses my dehydrated skin.
"When will this pass?" Rational interrupted.
"Wake up, will you?" he probed further.

The heart is searching for something, the soul is yielding confoundedness.
"Why are you stiff-necked still?" Rational persisted.

The mind resigned. I'm going to take a walk now. Another walk. I'm going start to move on again.
Light the head feels. Depleted of strength. Devoid of clarity. Blurred my vision is.
Walking on... Peace my Lord grants me. Peace is within.


For now, time permits not my stay.
I WILL move now.



I've reached where we've first met, where we've shared our first intimate touch.
I surveyed the area, looking now at where he'd first held me, where he'd whispered those promises that later, faded to sweet nothings.
It's empty now. Will be bypassing it everyday... Not my choice. Sadly so.
I'm standing where I'm rooted to now. Silently, I scribbled on...


Hope it ends here. I've willed to move on. Marred my heart feels. Disoriented my soul is. I want to struggle no more. Am drained of energy, depleted of strength.

A step backward. A step forward.
The latter was a bigger stride, I HAVE moved on. Haven't I?
Hmmmm... I'm ending it right here. Right now.