Perhaps a sign to move on.

I'll take that.


Moving on does not involve clearing my heart and soul of what's been before.


I hold on to some. I let go of some. Selective filtration.
Of those i hold on to... They... are the ones which grew within me. They... are the ones I bring along with me. They... are the ones I have affections for.
YOU know who YOU ARE!!!
Grab a piece of that LOVE!!!



Letting go those that are bad. My bad habits. My low self-esteem. My cowardice ways. My selfishness. Slowly, but surely, I'll let them go. Those are bad things. Doesn't refer to anyone. Everyone deserves to be loved. Though it means by silly old Kareen.

I've learnt to love. Freely, that is. I want to give. Receiving is an appreciated reward. *beams*



So YOU, yes, you.
I LOVE YOU. Mmmhmm. Yes I do! =)


He loves you too! You are unique to Him. AND TO ME. Yes, YOU.





I'll be back. 360 isn't a bad number. Mister Moon revolves around Mother earth, everyday. Mother earth revolves around the Bright and Shining Sun every year.
I always come back.

In the midst of turbidity have i trod.

Over and over, time and again,
Searching for tenuous ends of something to pull me out of this spinning disarray.

There I've found, the feeble hands reaching out, calling me...
Holding on now. Anxious to get out of the dark abyss.
He'll provide. He'll let this pass. He's my solitude. My pillar of strength. In Him will I trust. His love is abundant, is bountiful, is measureless. His grace... forever reaching out to me.



Yet,
foolish is I



I've allowed myself to fall back.


Treading on still... in this addling maelstorm.
I do not harbour hatred. I feel no bitterness in this.
Yet, I'm crying out for help. I need to snap out of this. QUICKLY.

I thought I could handle this. I thought it was something i could control.
I thought wrong. Marred my heart feels... More than I thought it will.
How I wish I feel no longer. It's sickening. It really is.



I'm drained. I really am.




Lord, help.



Treading on still... in this deep, tormenting mess.
I need to get out of it badly.

School's started.

I'm sick. Tired. Drained. Feeling lousy.


First day at school. Dismissed at like... 6:30pm???


Argh. FYP is tapping on my lifeblood!
I just want to whine all day, sit in front of the telly with lotsa chocolates!



There's too much going on and the last thing i need is a nose that keeps running and a phlegm-i-fied larynx.

If only my amygdala has been malfunctioning for the past one month plus. Things would've been much better.
The human brain works wonders. Then of course, mine's a rather deranged, messed-up clump of nothings.

Do not wish to feel bitter about any of this.



I'm so over it. (At least I'm making myself feel that way)



Thank you all so much for being there for me throughout this ordeal.




Right now, I just wish I'd quit coughing and blowing my nose. Otherwise, desperate measures such as chopping off my nose will be taken.

Letting go of something you've held on for so long is never easy.


The bliss of finally thinking straight and moving on is just... Indescribable.


One month and two days have I held on. Tightly at that too.


"I don't know what your stupid friends have instilled in you."

That was the last straw.


NOBODY INSULTS MY FRIENDS! NOBODY!


*fuming

That's as good as insulting me!


I did what i had to. I finally did it and boy does it feel great.

It was a mistake in the first place. I've woken up from a bad dream.




Moving on now.


I deserve someone better.



Intellectual?

My foot. I hate snobs.

Today was my last day at Proligo.

It was about 3 months. IAP has finally ended. I'm gonna miss all of them!

They treated me to dinner at this restuarant at Biopolis. =) Too bad i was having a bad cough. Had to settle on something bland.

It's back to school. Time to start FYP.


Had gazillions of coughing fits. This morning, i took the train. I had to drop at Dover coz i was coughing non-stop! Everyone was staring at me! I exited myself and waited for the next train.
In the lab... coughed, coughed. Coughed and coughed.


!@#$%^&


My chest hurts! I dunno why. It hurts terribly. I think I'm dying.

I've proven myself over and over- DUMB am I. DUMB is I. DUMB is my middle name.



I called my colleague today to tell her that I'm gonna take sick leave. Didn't think I'd be able to even walk straight in the morning.
I sounded dreadful! EEww. So then I was telling myself, "I'll call Miss Teh later (when i sound much better) to tell her I'm sick today."
BUT I FREAKING FORGOT ABOUT IT!

She made a trip to BIOPOLIS to see me. Only thing. I wasn't there.

And i've only realised it after dinner. GREAT! JUST GREAT! She can FAIL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Name:Kareen-dumb-airhead-Lee-Jianing.
Class: 3F07/P03
Grade: F


Alright. Let's not worry bout that now, coz I think Miss Teh's a rather nice lady.

The doctor i've consulted was a meanie. I went to the Polyclinic at Jurong east.
Doctor CHANG did his thing.
"What's wrong with you Kareen?"

"Oh, I've got a cough, mild persistent headache."

"Any sore throat? Fever? BLA?"

"Not now."


La di da...


"Erm, can i get an MC for today?"

"Why? Do u need one? Are you suppose to be studying or what?"

(WHAT? I wasn't feeling well. That's why i came to you! I'm asking for an MC, of course i need one... What kinda doctor is he?)

Then he went on about where was I in the morning, demanding an explanation of me seeing him in the late afternoon instead of the morning and a load of other things which sounded like he was reprimanding me. Well, yea, he was.

=(


I was resting in the morning of coz. I've a headache. The cough was quite bad. I didn't have ample rest. I needed a break. And HE scolded me just coz I chose to go to him at 4 pm.


!!!


What have i done wrong?!


Bad day. BAD.

The truth hurts.

Feeling as if my heart's been stabbed over a thousand times on the same spot.



I thought our Spirited Away medley wasn't as good as it could be, never did i expect it was THAT bad!

=(


My cough's getting worse. Maybe i should just stay home and rot.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8Vq6Nug9ys This is the rehearsal recording for Spirited Away Medley. The actual one sounds horrid. Don't be expecting too much though. Or you'll be disappointed.

Hello my dears!

Virtuoso XIII was a blast! Finally... the long awaited moments of our young talents...


Delighted were we. We've done considerably well. The concert jitters got the better of us. Sure did a few mistakes here and there.

Words cannot describe the load that was lifted off my chest. Simply ecstatic.


VCH theatre that night was FULL!



Now that it's over. I DO feel empty inside.

Last week of Attachment at Proligo. Can't wait.
Amidst the joy, I've something to worry about. My FINAL report before school starts!
Having a bad cough though. =(

Wait

How long can you wait, without so much as to even flinch at the idea of waiting for someone or something?


Unforbearing am I. God I DO need Patience to work within me.


Wait


When was the last time you've waited for someone?



I'm almost always late for meeting up with almost anyone. Was waiting for YJ and Ben for dinner yesterday though. I was early, next to Val.




Wait




If you can no longer abide by it, what would you have done?
Take the matter into thine own hands?

Thinking, thinking. "What would've happened, if I've just waited for just a moment more?"



Speculating still. "Why don't i just QUIT waiting and go for it?"





Wait



To wait, or not to wait?


You'll never know till you give it a go. Take a chance.


Holding back, "Taking the chance to wait? or giving it go, don't wait?"




Just a few moments more. Just a little while more to go.

A little patience goes a long way.