I see a weakling with no disguise.

She has begun to let her heart rule her mind.

Rational. A word drowned in the sea of nothingness.

And then what?


She hates herself.


Weakling.

I'm havin a sunburn.
The YF was a blast! Thanks to Vijay and his team.

I miss school and my classmates. Especially Amanda, who's on the other side of the globe now...

Havent seen or hrd from Val for more than a week now. I saw Roy and Rebecca the other day on the Biopolis shuttle bus. =)

I kinda missed Roger too!
And it's only forty minutes or so to weijie's birthday. Good thing i remembered.

Mom brought us to ECP Food village for dinner and I DID help myself sparingly.
Ugh... to think that she was complaining bout the flabs i'm getting myself just yesterday night. She's not helping!


I MISS GOING TO THE THEATRES!
It's been more than a month since I've last caught a movie. This draught has given me much yearnings to spend a day watchin at least 2 movies back-to-back.

Saturday is almost over. Sunday is nearing. When Sunday's here, it means that monday is coming. To put it bluntly, I've to go back to wrk. *sobs*


Shit I'm having cramps now. i shouldn't have listened to Victoria!
I hate myself for not having enough self-control. I always have extreme cravings for cold desserts like ice cream especially during the bloody time of the month. And i'll always end up on the floor rolling, flooding it with tears and mucous.
I need a professional gynae. not amatuer ones who only prescribe nonsense pain killers.
Yes, it's that bad.
The horrendous thought of killing myself never fail to invade my mind every month.


monday is only 24 hours and fifteen minutes away. =( I hope I won't be loading any more than 50 gels this week.

Hey guys, I don't know what's your job scope like in the company you're attached to, but I'm dying to hear what's it like for you.
As for me...

Third day at Proligo.
Tired of standing all day. Tired of making imperfect polyacrylamide gels. Tired of running and loading samples. Pretty sick of all the gels and photo taking. Plus, I'm spoiling my eyes becoz I've gotta shine UV light at those flimsy gels in order to have their picture taken.

I'm the amatuer in that lab. Along with three other apprentices from Singapore Polytechnic-
Terrence(in my opinion, he's feminine... *shrugs* i dont wanna use the word "gay")
and Daniel the magician are Biotech. students. Ryan's from Mechatronic. All of us were rather puzzled by Ryan's presence in the science lab. He's not a science student. Lucky him.
Lest you're wondering what he's doing there...
See, in the lab, there are many machines like the HPLC, Spectrophotometer, centrifuge.. tralala...
When something goes wrong, someone's gotta fix it. That's where Ryan might come in handy. Of coz, everything was alien to him. He'd never hrd of ATGC base pairs, OD reading, 3', 5'... rat-a-tattie-tat. Poor guy, he was pretty much in a daze the last time I saw him.


I have no idea what Terrence and Daniel are learning because I don't really speak to them. Daniel comes in very early and dismisses early too. Terrence is... feminine, friendly, but we havent time to talk. They're all leaving after 6 weeks. And I HAVE TO STAY ON till June 17th.
Nice. Mandy will have me rotate in the lab and learn all the diff steps in the production lab. Right now, I'm just doing all the testing, readings and quality control.

I'm glad that my 'master'- auntie weiya is a very patient lady. I've made millions of mistakes today. I dont wanna start listing them out. It's embarrassing. HEY! Don't laugh. It wasn't as bad as the last time at IPC lab. I didnt' break a whole basket full of apparatus.


Was rather on a lighter mood today despite all the ongoing mistakes...
I've learnt many new stuff today. So many that My notebook is full of my illegible scribblings that I cant read at all.
The only problem I had was that Auntie weiya speaks only chinese. It's kinda weird coz I've never had science lessons in chinese. Or verbal protocols in chinese. I wonder what it's like for Benjamin, Ricky or Val to be in my position.


My right forearm is having muscke cramp. It's like I've just played tennis. Only thing is that I didn't. All i did was do ALOT of pipetting. Mostly ONE micromilleter.
Ugh. It hurts man. I had to use my left hand to load sample onto the gels today. Can you imagine! The wells are so damn narrow and tiny. and I've to use my left hand.




Gdine isn't having a great time either I suppose. She has to do scavenger hunt every morning, and watch parasites oozing outta all the food samples. Nasty. Hehe!

Tear-stained.
Munching on midnight snacks.


I was reading WITH OR WITHOUT YOU. Carole Mattews.
It was a sweet, inspiring love storey about a woman who'd finally found true love. Typical.
But hey, true love's every woman's dream. I was crying whilst finishing off the book because I was happy for her. Pretty sad for her ex-twat-of-a-boyfriend who'd eventually found his brain that was reduced to the size of the E.coli embedded on his faeces.

I hadnt read much ever since last semester has started. I'm back at it again and boy do i feel good.
Would love to catch more movies at the theatres too.



First two days of IAP at Sigma-Proligo was tiring.
Nonetheless, I've learnt much.
I've ran so many PAGE for quality control test to last me a lifetime.
I'm half-enjoying my job. People are nice.
Lotsa protocols.
Lotsa gel to make and load and run.
It gets boring after a while but my supervisor will to see to it that I get assigned to other tasks as well.

My brain isn't exactly functioning right now coz I'm thinkin bout climbing Himalayas, leaving Singapore, give up all my worldly possessions except for the very basic necessity.
You know, stay in a village. Simple, carefree, slow-paced, contented...
Most importantly, Spread the gospel.


My dream is to live outside of the city. I love the farm, The mountains...
*sigh*

I'll just have to draw out a plan now and manipulate my brain to dream about it later.
50% chance of that happening. No kidding. If you're determined enough, and if your brain is functioning right, you can plot your own dream. =)

Night everyone. Love y'all!
Live your dream!
(I'm so going to plan my trip to Nepal)

I MISS AMANDA!!!
Amanda's in UK now.


Exams are over. My second year in NP is over.

IAP starting TOMORROW.
So exciting.


I'm a nervous wreck.